Glimpses of Mother Krishnabai - X

Mataji - Denying the ownership

In spite of her multifarious activities, Mataji never owns that she does anything, but says that it is her "Papa"(Swami Ramdas), the all pervading Lord of the Universe, who is doing all. For the opening celebration of the Ashram, the brunt of the work fell on Mataji.  She was here, there and everywhere.  The celebrations went off smoothly and none who came to the Ashram could know what pain Mataji must have been feeling.  Yet, if you ask her, she would attribute everything to her Papa.  "He is the supreme doer, the supreme prompter, the manager of the whole show.""O-o-oh!" Papa laughed outright. "Listen to her. She is the Divine Mother, the Maha Shakti, the cause of all action in the world.  Ramdas is only her blissful carefree child, and he is quite content to remain so.  What does a child with emphasis on 'this', "happens to know everything that there is to know and that which is beyond all knowledge.  Don't be misled by the child-like pose.  Nothing can move on this earth without His will, nothing can grow without His will.  Yet, He calls Himself a child! That is also His Lila."  For whatever she does, she makes Papa responsible.  It is her Papa doing everything in her and through her.  She attributed her each breath, word, act and every movement in the world to Papa only.  In all her 'Letter to Papa', which was her unique style of communication with the devotees, this is her constant refrain.

Glimpses of Mother Krishnabai - IX

Mataji - On Ego

I was with Sri Dilip Kumar Roy when he visited the Ashram some years ago.  He asked Mataji whether she had rooted out her ego, She replied "No! I have enlarged it so as to embrace all beings".

Mataji - On East and West

Another friend asked her, "Now that you have seen Europe and America, what do you think of the people there in the West compared with our people in India." At this question, She stretched out the palm of her hand and remarked" "Like the two sides of this palm, the East and the West are integrally one, not separate.  How can there be any great difference between the two?"
In Mataji's enlarged and unified vision, the East and the West are essentially one, being manifestations of the all-pervading God.  This friend then requested

Mataji - Dealing with irresponsible subordinates

Mataji for the solution of a personal problem of his. He said: "I have a lot of men serving under me; sometimes they prove untrustworthy and irresponsible.  I then feel like dismissing them on the spot.  How am I to deal with them?" Mataji's reply was amazingly simple and direct.  She said: "Do not  bad thoughts sometimes assail you also? Do you abandon or dismiss yourself because of these?  Do you think it is all smooth sailing for me with the inmates of the Ashram here?  But I do not think of abandoning or getting rid of any of them."

                                                                   - Swami Atmananda, Chittur

Glimpses of Mother Krishnabai - VIII

Mother Krishnabai - Her Motherly love

The rich and poor are equal to her.  They are all alike her children, and her unstinted love and service go to them all.  Once a District Medical Officer and myself were the occupants of the same cottage in the Ashram, along with a poor half-blind school master.  Both of them were to leave by the early morning train.  Mataji got their breakfast ready by 5.30 a.m. The poor school master did not expect such kind attention.  So he started for the railway station early morning.  But before he reached the gate a messenger came from the Mataji saying that the breakfast was ready for the departing guests.  I ran up to the gate to bring back the school master who had a hearty breakfast before he left. Such is her motherly love to all.

Glimpses of Mother Krishnabai - VII

Mataji - Oneness with all Saints

Before coming to Swami Ramdas Principal N B Butani was associated with Sufi Guru Fakir Saeen.  When he got attached to Swami Ramdas, sometimes doubts used to arise in his mind whether by relying on Ramdas for his spiritual progress he was proving disloyal to his Sufi Guru.  These doubts of his were removed by Krishnabai.  When a friend in Bombay once asked Ramdas about Butani, he had said, "Fakir Saeen handed Butani to Ramdas, and Ramdas passed him on to Krishnabai." This was a fact.  Ramdas can see clearly that Krishnabai is exercising on him a great spiritual influence. How she dispelled the doubt, from his mind may be stated in his own words:

"Mataji told me, when I placed my difficulty before her, just a little while before leaving, 'Why don't you think that Papa, your Fakir Saeen and I are the same? There is no difference between any one and another.  The difference is not even as great as that between one side and the other of this finger', she added, pointing out her finger, 'When your heart is filled with love for Papa, do you feel disturbed by the thought thought that your love is not coming to me? Why not? Because you are certain that it does, and vice versa - because you think that we are the same.  Think the same way about your Saeen; he and we are the same.  When your heart is filled with love for him, remember that, that love comes to us also - and vice versa.' "Yes, Mataji, it is so,' I said, 'and I hope I shall realise it soon, as I understand it now!"

Glimpses of Mother Krishnabai - VI

One day, Benegal Sanjiva Rao and friends came to the Ashram. Sanjiva Rao had been a prominent and active member of Theosophical society. He was a direct disciple of Mrs. Annie Besant.  He is a man of extensive reading  and of intellectual attainments.  Soon after the bhajan was over, he went to the dining place for the midday meal along with the others.  There he saw Mataji serving food.  The sight of her made a deep impression on his mind. He confessed afterwards that he had felt a strange, elevating influence in her presence.  From that time he looked upon her with great love and regard.  He came for the second time to Ashram.  An interview with Mataji was arranged at which Ramdas was also present.  Sanjiva Rao asked Mataji to give him a message.  She said, "I am a child.  What message shall I give you?" This answer was something like an eye-opener to Sanjiva Rao.  He next asked, "What is the meaning of surrender?" Mataji told him, "When you feel that you are doing everything by the will of God, then you have realised the secret of surrender. Just as I am moving my hands involuntarily, so I am doing all acts of the body and the mind.  It is God alone who makes me do all this."  This simple reply gave Sanjiva Rao satisfaction and he departed, having received something which he considered precious.   

Glimpses of Mother Krishnabai - V

A French friend, Jean Herbert and his wife paid us a visit. They were with us for three days.  They adapted themselves thoroughly to the simple and homely life of the Ashram, squatting on the floor and taking their meals. Ramdas used to talk to them freely on spiritual topics.  Once he asked, whether peace was a condition of love, or the outcome of love, to which Ramdas replied definitely, "Peace is the outcome of love.  You cannot have peace unless you have love". One day, Jean One day Mrs Herbert sat down on the mat on the floor in front of Mataji, and asked her to teach one Indian word.  Mataji thought for a while, and taught her to pronounce the word "Prem".  Mrs Herbert, who was gazing expectantly at Mataji, caught the word and repeated it thrice. At this time, Ramdas noticed, there was a thrill in the atmosphere.  The camera clicked just at that moment.

Glimpses of Mother Krishnabai - III

Mother Krishnabai - How animals loved her

Once two Harijans came and negotiated for two bulls. They went into the Goshala to examine the bulls and had a look around.  The purchasers were asked to come and take away the bulls after two days.  Meanwhile, that day, when the cattle were released from the Goshala for their usual grazing, it was found that they were behaving in a wild manner.  They were attacking everybody that came in their way, with the result that a family of beggars were badly hurt.  Injuries wee caused to a child and an old woman.  This was an unusual occurrence.  Mataji gave shelter to this poor family, and got the wounded ones properly treated.  They remained in the Ashram for about a week.  When they left they were given new clothes also.  On trying to find the cause of the extraordinary conduct of the cattle, Mataji discovered that the men, who had come to purchase the bulls, had intended them to be sold to butchers. The cows scented the danger and were against the bulls being handed over those persons.  As a protest they ran amuck.

On another occasion, a cow presented to an Ashram friend, who latterly turned against the Ashram, refused to take any fodder from him or his servants, and would not even yield milk.  The cow had to be returned to the Ashram.
                                               
                                               ********

The Ashram has also a number of cats as its inmates.  There was one particular cat which was very fond of Ramdas.  In the morning it would wait in the kitchen until the breakfast was ready, and then she would run to Ramdas in the Ashram and mew before him, conveying thereby the news that the breakfast was awaiting him in the kitchen.  When Ramdas responded to its call on the first occasion, he found that its information was correct.  This went on daily, until the cat passed away.

Glimpses of Mother Krishnabai - II

Mother Krishnabai - Her love for animals

The Ashram cows are reared up by Krishnabai, as her own children.  A cow became so fond of listening to her singing Ram Nam in her sweet voice, which she was habitually doing in their presence, that it would not yield milk unless Mataji sang to it in its favourite tune.  Mataji's love for cows is unique.  She looks after them with the same care and tenderness as show shows to the human inmates of the Ashram.  She spends in the cow-house, at least two hours in the morning and sometimes also over an hour in the evening.  She sees to it that the floor of the house is kept perfectly clean and that the cows are properly fed.  If any cows falls ill, she takes the utmost care of it, and gets it treated either by the local physicians or by a veterinary doctor.  She has given names to all the cows and calves.  We have among them a Ganga, a Jamuna, a Saraswati, a Parvati, a Krishna, a Kaveri, an Indu, a Padma and so on.  She often talks to them as though they were her children.  Such is her love for them! Whenever veterinary officers and lovers of cows visit the Ashram Goshala, they feel immensely delighted at the sight of the well-fed, clean and healthy cattle.

It often occurs that when a cow is being taken away by the person to whom it has been presented, it would not go.  It would refuse to leave the Ashram premises and lie down on the ground would not move, however much it is coaxed.   Mataji would not let such a cow go.  Once it happened that a cow which was presented to an Orphanage in Mangalore was somehow persuaded to go as far as the railway station.  When it was brought near the waggon in which it was to be taken away, it was observed that it was actually shedding tears.  The report came to us about this occurrence, and Mataji asked the men who had led the cow to the station to bring it back to the Ashram.  Such is the love that these cows have for Mataji.

Glimpses of Mother Krishnabai - I

Mother Krishnabai - Her patience and fortitude

In the early years of the Ashram life, there were no paid servants in the Ashram and all the duties wee distributed among the sadhaka inmates.  But the brunt of the work was borne by Mataji.  She had to be toiling in the kitchen almost single-handed.  The number of visitors continued to increase daily.  To cook for and serve them was a most arduous task.  Further, Mataji had not yet been relieved of the pain which she had sustained as a result of the injury to her backbone, in the Kasaragod Ashram.  All the time, however, she was showing wonderful patience and fortitude.  On occasions, one noticed her lying down quite still, side-ways, on a long narrow mat, unable to move owing to the intense pain she felt in all parts of her body.  She would be in that position for about half an hour or so, and then she would get up to resume her work as though nothing had happened to her.

**********

Mother Krishnabai - Selfless service

The gathering in the Ashram in December 1938 was a memorable event in its life.  Many distinguished friends and devotees had assembled from all parts of India.  At that time, a sick woman, who was badly anaemic and was hardly able to walk, came to the Ashram and Mataji received her, and gave her a room in the old kitchen block to lie down.

A very heavy programme had been arranged for the gathering.  And in the midst of the multifarious activities which were going on under her direct supervision, Mataji could still find time to attend on this poor ailing woman.  Soon her condition worsened and her illness took a serious turn.  Mataji sought the help of the doctors present on the occasion, and got the woman treated by them.

But one day her condition was so bad that life was despaired of.  At this critical moment, a friend went to Mataji and suggested that the woman might be shifted to some house outside the Ashram compound, so that in the event of her death, the celebrations might not be disturbed.  To this gratuitous advice, she calmly and gently gave her characteristic reply, "Would you propose to shift the woman in her present precarious condition, if she had been my own sister?" This reply silenced the officious adviser.

This poor woman was later admitted as an in-patient in the Hosdrug Hospital the Ashram bearing all her expenses until she fully recovered.  Soon after, she joined the Ashram service.

                                      

                                         **********

How Mataji Tamed A Modern Durvasa

Sadhus, to whatever denomination, sect or creed they might belong, are welcome to Anandashram.  Sometimes we found scuffles and fighting going on amongst them in the Ashram Dharmashala.  One would say to the other, "You should not touch me, stand further away! You belong to a lower sect.  You have no business to sit close to me.  Why did you touch my leaf? You have polluted the leaf on which I served my food," and so on and so forth.

Once, a a sadhu came to the Ashram who would not eat food in the common Ashram dining hall.  So he cooked his food separately.  He was given the necessary provision, such as rice, dal, ghee, wheat flour and vegetables.  One day, he had taken a bucket from the Ashram for storing water.  He had, of course, his own lota or small water vessel, which was used by him for drinking water and other purposes. He had also kept the bucket, nearly half full by his side.  It was rather close to the plantain leaf on which he had, as usual, served his food, prepared by himself.  He sat down for eating.

Just then a woaman worker of the Ashram came there.  She wanted the bucket, as it was the one she used for washing utensils.  She was about to take the vessel, going near it.  She had hardly touched it, when the sadhu shouted: "How did you dare touch my bucket? You have polluted the whole place.  I cannot take this food".

He bacame wild with fury and started cursing and shouting at her.  We could hear him in the Ashram.  He was jumping about with uncontrollable fury.  The woman, unable to stand all this, ran away from the place and came to Mataji.  Mataji asked her, "What is the matter?" she replied, "I committed a blunder.  I was about to take the bucket which was with that sadhu."  "What happened?" asked Mataji.  The woman answered that the sadhu was wild with rage for the sacrilege and that she hurriedly left the place.  In a moment  another person came and reported to Mataji: "The sadhu was collected all the food he had cooked and served along with the leaf and thrown everything away to the dogs!  He is still fretting and fuming.  Nobody dare approach him."

The sadhu was short and stout in stature and had a ferocious look.  He had a grisly beard and matted hair on his head.  Mataji looked at his wild behaviour from a distance and found he was burning with anger.  He looked like a modern Durvasa in action.  She felt something must be done to calm him down.  She went inside the kitchen store.  There were in it some water melons.  She cut them into nicely shaped pieces and got also some fine variety of plantains and two tender coconuts.  All these she placed on a plate and asked another worker to take it to the sadhu.  She also followed the worker to the place where the sadhu was.

When the sadhu saw the plate with the juicy red melon pieces and other fine fruits, and Mataji coming along with them, his anger cooled down a bit.  Mataji said to him: "The woman worker committed a mistake, but she never intentionally did it.  Will you just take these fruits on the plate?" She handed him also a big pitcher full of sweet warm milk.  He now sat down and began to eat, and when nearly half the fruit and milk were finished, he came back to normal.

Mataji is a tamer of lions.  A smile appeared on the sadhu's face when the whole quantity of fruits and milk went down.  Now he was perfectly cheerful.  Mataji then asked him: "How do you feel?"  He replied, "Quite happy, mother!"  At last, he went about telling everybody that Mataji was supremely gracious.  "The food I had prepared was nothing in comparison" he said.  "What she gave me was the very nectar.  My body was burning, but now it has cooled down, I am most happy and grateful to her!"  -By Swami Ramdas

Papa on the Great Saint Sri Siddharudha Swami, Hubli

Papa on the Great Saint Sri Siddharudha Swami

Sri Siddharudha Swami was a saint of the highest spiritual attainment, and Ramdas had the unique and blessed privilege of spending a few days at his holy feet.  Ramdas is reminded here of the case of a large body of pilgrims – men and women – who behaved in a strange way after having traveled a long distance and come to Hubli with the object of having their first Darshan of that great saint, Sri Siddharudha Swami. At the time of their arrival at the Ashram, the Swami was freely moving about and actually working with several labourers engaged in the erection of a pandal. He was not dressed gaudily, or even fully; nor was there any pomp or grandeur surrounding him. He was working as one of the labourers. The party of pilgrims asked where they could get Darshan of the Swami and someone pointed out the Swami to them. The party, particularly the womenfolk, on seeing the Swami, were more disappointed than surprised. They thought: “Was it to see such an unimpressive person that we put ourselves to so much trouble and expense?” The unassuming Swami, obviously, did not come up to their high expectations. So, without so much as a moment’s hesitation, they hastened back from the Ashram. Can such false standards and hasty judgments ever help anybody to derive benefit from contact with saints and sages?

“You know how great Sri Siddharudha Swami was. Ramdas will also tell you, in this connection, that a certain devotee was daily taking some food in a vessel to the Swami and offering the same into his mouth in small morsels. The Swami was eating the food with great love but every time the devotee put one morsel into the Swami’s mouth, the Swami also was taking a small quantity from that same vessel and putting it into the devotee’s mouth. That showed the heights of Samata or equal vision, to which the Swami had risen. There was no distinction, for him, as between himself and others. In feeding his disciple he found the same delight as the disciple felt in feeding his Guru. Was such a Guru the person from whom the pilgrim party could afford to hastily wrest themselves away? No. And yet they went away thoughtlessly from him and lost the opportunity of receiving his grace.” Courtesy: The Vision

Beloved Papa on Ram Nam

Beloved Papa on Ram Nam

Devotee: I repeat Ram Nam, but there is no progress.

Papa: if you really want it, you will get it. Where there is demand there is supply. Ramdas will tell you how. Ramdas himself hungered for the truth, went to saints and got it. If he had no hunger he would not have got it. They cannot do anything for you if you are not receptive. You must feel the want. You must have a burning thirst for it. The condition is “hunger for God”. You have seen so many saints. How is it that nobody was able to do anything for you?

Devotee: A saint can do what he likes. You must give me that thirst.

Papa: Ramdas is trying his best to see that everybody is awakened, but nobody responds. Otherwise, he would have transformed the whole world in a second. Do constant repetition of Ram Nam with full faith in Ramdas’ words. Then you will get everything in course of time.

Devotee: Papa should give it. He has the power to give.

Papa: Ramdas is giving, but nobody is prepared to take it. You are full of kama, krodha and lobha etc. There is no place inside. You must leave the ego and surrender to the Guru. The more you repeat Ram Nam with faith and devotion, the more you will become ready to receive the grace of the Guru. You must do the Sadhana and utterly surrender to God. At once you will realise God. Try for yourself by taking the name constantly with full faith. Everything is in Ram Nam.

Devotee: We have thirst for God, but don’t get time to repeat Ram Nam.

Papa: Where is the thirst, if you do not take the name? Every minute available you will utilize for Ram Nam. How much time you waste in useless talk.

Devotee: Domestic worries prevent us from taking the Name. No concentration is possible.

Papa: Concentration or no concentration : Repeat Ram Nam. Your thirst for worldly things is more. If you have real thirst for God, you will repeat the Name and all worries will disappear.

         

        Devotee: But when worries are there, how to  repeat Ram Nam?

         

        Papa: If there is no worry, what is necessity of Ram Nam? It is because of worry that you want Ram Nam to save you from the worry. By discussing you cannot get anything. Intellect leads you away from God. It is through the heart you get God. Accept the saint’s words and act upto them. Give all your love to God and call Him in utter surrender. That  instant  you will l have Him.

        

        Devotee: We repeat Ram Nam in the hope of getting liberation. Supposing we do not realize God before death, what would be the use of repetition then?

        

         Papa: Do not speculate upon the future. The present should be used for repetition of Ram Nam. Instead you try remember the past and worry about the future. The past is past and the future is in the hands of God. You dwell in fears and expectations of the future. The present joy you lose. Darshan, liberation, Samadhi--everything is included in Ram Nam. With that faith repeat Ram Nam from moment to moment. Ramdas never thought of the past or future and he enjoyed the bliss of the Name. He did not want Ram’s Darshan. Name itself was giving him peace and bliss.  - Courtesy: The Vision

A Letter from Pujya Swami Satchidanandaji

A Letter from Pujya Swami Satchidanandaji

OM SRI RAM JAI RAM JAI JAI RAM

To all concerned:

Beloved ones,

Having come in contact with Beloved Papa, all of you know that this world is transitory. Everything here passes away. Nothing here is permanent. When we know this, should we hold on to our petty views and ideas and create a situation resulting in the displeasure and hurt feelings of all those with whom we disagree and assert our views. Instead, why not let go our opinions, if by doing so, nothing serious is going to happen to yourself and the institution? After all what is going to happen? The heavens are not going to fall down! The result will be more harmony, peace and happiness and reinforcement of love. This does not mean accepting anybody’s and everybody’s suggestions. Differences of opinion are bound to be there, but they have to be solved with loving discussions, in all humility respecting the standpoint of the other. When a final decision is arrived at, all should forget their individual opinions and work wholeheartedly to work out the final decision.

The purpose of our coming to the spiritual path and to the Ashram is to erase our ego. For this, the first thing to be developed is humility. Asserting our point of view and try to win over others is not humility. Patiently hear other’s point of view.

My prayer to all, especially those engaged in the management of the Ashram is that everyone must be humble, respect and love one another, and sacrifice anything for the sake of maintaining perfect harmony and love amongst all. The most important thing is that everyone must feel and be conscious always that he or she is here to serve all those that are visiting the Ashram for any purpose, in whatever way possible and see that as far as possible no one goes disappointed.

If we have Beloved Papa with us always (i.e.  if we remember Him always) He will surely guide us from moment to moment.  Keep that LIGHT burning within you so that no darkness of ignorance enters the heart.

Deepest love and pranams to all.

Ever your Own

Swami Satchidananda

                                                                                                                    

Param Puya Swami Satchidanandaji

Swami Satchidanandaji  - A True Testimony

As spiritual aspirants here is an occasion for all of us to intensely dwell on the striking values which Pujya Swamiji embodied. His simple and unassuming approach endeared everyone to him because everyone, who had had an opportunity to spend a few minutes with Swamiji, had been the recipient of his love in abundance which experience would be unforgettable. Swamiji had a natural way of entering into the hearts of everyone by his quiet manners and by little acts of loving kindness. He delighted in serving everyone, with not a care for his own physical frame. Swamiji possessed an innocent and child-like nature where there was no posing, no false modesty. He freely mixed with the young and the old. Nobody was a stranger to him and therefore all were in his all-embracing love circle. Whether rich or poor, learned or ignorant, high or low, Sadhu or sinner, flatterer or fool, humble or conceited, all felt quite close with him.  The quintessence of Swamiji’s teachings is that the more we advance on the path, the more tolerant we will become; our love circle will widen; we will not find fault with others or impose our views on others.  Most of all, we will become so humble as to feel all others are greater, with the result that when we talk to them, our feeling of oneness with all will express itself in our words and actions. His life was a true testimony of these words. On this occasion we seek his blessings to be able to live up to these ideals he has placed before us. 

                                                                                  - Swami Muktanandaji

Papa - The personification of bliss

Humble prostrations at the lotus feet of Pujya Papa Ramdas.

A study of Papa’s life is enough to convince one of the omnipresence of God and His infinite love for His children who are all of us. Surrendering to God grants supreme bliss and peace. Papa was a personification of bliss and love to everyone and he saw Lord Rama everywhere.

Papa, known as Vittal Rao in his purvasrama days was born in 1884 in Kerala to Sri Balakrishna Rao and Smt Lalita Bai, a devout couple. He lived the ordinary life of a house-holder until the age of 36. During that time he experienced many trials and tribulations from the worldly point of view, but in his case they caused him to enquire deeply into the true meaning of life. A wonderful transformation was wrought in him of which nobody had any inkling until he was suddenly fired with an intense wave of dispassion. He came to realise the futility of worldly pursuits, and the need for real, everlasting peace and happiness. Inspired by the teachings of Sri Ramakrishna, Swami Vivekananda and Swami Ram Tirtha, Papa became thoroughly convinced that God alone can give one eternal peace and happiness. The path of pure devotion and self-surrender shone forth for him with an irresistible appeal. All attachments to family, friends and business dropped away, just as a fully ripened fruit falls from the tree. He was inwardly ready to give himself up wholly and unreservedly to God.

At that critical time, his father, noticing his son’s waning interest in secular pursuits and his waxing love for and devotion to God, initiated him into the Ram mantram and assured him that by repeating it unstintingly he would, in due time, find the true peace and happiness he was thirsting for. As the mantram took hold of him, Papa found his life filled with Ram. It was then that he renounced the samsaric life and went forth in quest of God as a mendicant sadhu.

With the name of God constantly on his lips, Papa traveled to several places. Intense aspiration coupled with intense practice to attain the Highest quickened his spiritual progress and in a short time he had the vision of his Beloved God everywhere, both within and without. This resulted in him getting established in unending bliss. Having thus attained spiritual liberation and God-vision, he started his mission to guide and serve mankind in order to awaken it to the awareness of God through the founding of Anandashram. Thousands of devotees both from India and abroad took advantage of his most enlightening and inspiring presence till he dropped his mortal coil in 1963.

Papa has written several books, all awe-inspiring and highly motivating to the spiritual seeker. May the life and work of Papa Ramdas continue to inspire sincere seekers of God.  Courtesy: Saranagathi

Reminiscences- Mother Krishnabai and Swami Ramdas

Mother Krishnabai and Swami Ramdas

If anyone wants me to tell them something about Beloved Papa, I ask them to visualise what it would be like if, by some divine alchemy, Love and Bliss were to coalesce and stand before them as one luminous entity. That is how Papa can be seen with the naked eye.

Papa was indeed the very image of Love and Bliss divine. What was the source of that Love? When he opened out his heart to Ram, his eternal Beloved, Ram flooded his heart with never-ending, never-fading Love. This happened when Papa turned to his beloved Ram with pure devotion and utter self-surrender, turning his back on the world and the attractions it might hold for him. It was born of the realisation of his oneness with the Infinite and the Eternal Self. Every fibre of his being then thrilled to the sweet rhythm of Love. Bliss ineffable flowed over and saturated him, rising like an artesian spring from the heart's core when Papa realised the entire universe of name and form as the vibhuti or manifestation of the Self.

In the state of pure Bliss-consciousness he carried on his spiritual ministry till his last day on earth. Through his talks and actions he gave those who sought him a taste of the love and bliss divine. The purest pearls of wisdom that fell from his tips spread sweetness and light all round, dispelling gloom, fear and anxiety that held the people in a tight grip. Earnest seekers were lifted up to higher levels of consciousness, getting a glimpse of the true life of the Spirit, with the result that a deep yearning for that life was kindled in them. Papa's talks were often punctuated with jokes and laughter. The total impression left on the mind of the listener was never to be forgotten.

Once, to illustrate the futility of empty, theoretical advaitic knowledge, Papa narrated the following story. He was staying in a small mandir in Jhansi when a man approached him and asked, "Who are you?"

"I am Ramdas," he replied simply.

"No, you speak a lie there," returned his visitor. "You are Ram Himself. When you declare you are Ramdas, you do not know what you say. God is everything and in everything. He is in you and so you are He. Confess it right away.

"True, dear friend," Ramdas replied, "God is everything. But at the same time, it must be noted God is one, and when He is in you and everywhere around you, may I humbly ask to whom you are putting this question?"

After a little reflection, the man could only answer, "Well, I have put the question to myself ".

Papa always stressed the necessity of absolute honesty and sincerity as essential in the great Quest. Better an honest, dualistic bhakti than a hypocritical advaita. Whereas bhakti, however dualistic, will lead ultimately to jnana as jnana mata, the mother of jnana, advaita practised only with the head leads merely to confusion and hypocrisy.

Another incident illustrates this point well. When Papa was staying at Mount Abu he was taken to meet a "great saint", Swami Kaivalyananda, a young sannyasin living in a cave, his body completely shaved, but surrounded by a number of books.

Papa approached him and prostrated.

With a look of surprise, the sannyasin asked, "To whom are you offering this salutation?"

"To Ram," Papa replied.

"Who are you?"

"Ramdas. "

"Ramdas. Ramdas, funny, isn't it? There is only one Truth. Why do you assume this false duality?"

"It is Ram Himself, being One, who has chosen to be many. "

"Wrong," retorted the advaitin. "He is always One; many is false, illusion."

"Truth has become God and His devotee for the sake of lila, the divine play," Papa responded.

"Why play?"

"For love and bliss; so when Ramdas prostrates before you, it is yourself who do it in the form of Ramdas," Papa went on.

"Bosh!" cut in the sannyasin. "There is only one, never two." "Then to whom are you talking, dear Swamiji," asked Papa, pulling out his brahmastra.

The sannyasin reflected a while and had to reply, "To myself".

"Exactly. You assume there are two although in the light of absolute Truth there is only one."

"No, no--no realised person believes in duality," maintained the advaitin, getting jumpy. "Here, take this book and read it. You will understand things more clearly, I assure you. It is written by me." He pressed Papa to accept it. Noticing the author's name on the cover, Papa noted that he referred to himself as "Swami Kaivalyananda, M.A."!

Papa, known as Vittal Rao in his purvasrama days, was born in 1884 at Hosdrug, Kerala, to Sri Balakrishna Rao and Smt. Lalita Bai, a devout Saraswat couple. Papa lived the ordinary life of a householder until he was thirty-six. During that time he experienced many trials and tribulations from the worldly point of view, but in his case they caused him to enquire deeply into the true meaning of life. A wonderful transformation was wrought in him of which nobody had any inkling until he was suddenly fired with an intense wave of dispassion. He came to realise the futility of worldly pursuits, and the need for real, everlasting peace and happiness. Inspired by the teachings of Sri Ramakrishna, Swami Vivekananda and Swami Ram Tirtha, Papa became thoroughly convinced that God alone can give one eternal peace and happiness. The path of pure devotion and self-surrender shone forth for him with an irresistible appeal. All attachments to family, friends and business dropped away just as a fully ripened fruit falls from the tree. He was inwardly ready to give himself up wholly and unreservedly to God.

At that critical time, his father, noticing his son's waning interest in secular pursuits and his waxing love for and devotion to God, initiated him into the Ram mantram and assured him that by repeating it unstintingly he would, in due time, find the true peace and happiness he was thirsting for. As the mantram took hold of him, Papa found his life filled with Ram. It was then that he renounced the samsaric life and went forth in quest of God as a mendicant sadhu. This first year of Papa's new life is described by him in his autobiography, In Quest of God.

It was thus on one morning in December 1922 that Papa left hearth and home by train from Mangalore. He did not know where he was going, nor was he anxious about it. He only knew that he was obeying the divine command of his beloved Ram, and was therefore sure that He would guide him unerringly. The mantram "OM SRI RAM JAI RAM JAI JAI RAM" was ever on his lips and in his heart. Besides chanting the divine Name, Papa's practice was to look upon everything in the world as forms of Ram--God--and to accept everything that happened as happening by the will of Ram alone.

Papa was thus directed to Srirangam. Here he bathed in the holy Cauvery and, after offering up his old white clothes to the sacred river, he donned the ochre robes of a sannyasin and underwent spiritual rebirth. As prompted by Ram Himself, Papa assumed the new name of Ramdas (servant of Ram) and took the inviolable vows of sannyasa, renunciation. Papa never referred to himself in the first person ever again.

With the name of God constantly on his lips, Papa continued his travels in the company of itinerant sadhus. The journey took him to Tiruvannamalai, where he stood in front of Bhagavan Ramana and prayed for his grace.

About this experience Papa himself has said, "The Maharshi, turning his beautiful eyes towards Ramdas, and looking intently for a few minutes into his eyes as though he was pouring into Ramdas his blessings through those orbs, nodded his head to say he had blessed. A thrill of inexpressible joy coursed through the frame of Ramdas, his whole body quivering like a leaf in the breeze."

In that ecstatic state he left Maharshi's presence and went to spend nearly a month in a cave on the slopes of Arunachala in constant chanting of Ramnam. This was the first occasion that he went into solitude. After twenty-one days, when he came out of the cave he saw a strange, all-pervasive light: everything was Ram and only Ram.

Papa continued his travels, which took him to many parts of India, including the sacred shrines in the Himalayas, and then on to Bombay and finally back to Mangalore, where he spent three months in the Panch-Pandava cave at Kadri. It was here that he had his first experience of nirvikalpa samadhi. About this experience he writes: "For some days his meditation consisted of only the mental repetition of the Ram-mantram. Then, the mantram having stopped automatically, he beheld a small circular light before his mental vision which yielded him thrills of delight. This experience having continued for some days, he felt a dazzling light like lightning flashing before his eyes, which ultimately permeated and absorbed him. Now an inexpressible bliss filled every pore of his physical frame. When this state was coming on, he would at the outset become oblivious of his hands and feet and gradually his entire body. Lost in this trance-state he would sit for two or three hours. Still, a subtle awareness of external objects was maintained in this state.

"For two years from the time of the significant change which had come over him, Ramdas had been prepared to enter into the very depths of his being for the realisation of the immutable, calm and eternal spirit of God. Here he had to transcend name, form, thought and will--every feeling of the heart and faculty of the mind. The world had then appeared to him as a dim shadow--a dreamy nothing. The vision then was mainly internal. It was only for the glory of the Atman in His pristine purity, peace and joy as an all-pervading, immanent, immortal and glowing spirit.

"In the earlier stages this vision was occasionally lost, pulling him down to the old life of diversity with its turmoil of like and dislike, joy and grief. But he would be drawn in again into the silence and calmness of the spirit. A stage was soon reached when this dwelling in the spirit became a permanent and unvarying experience with no more failing off from it, and then the still more exalted state came on: his hither inner vision projected outwards. First a glimpse of this new vision dazzled him off and on. This was the working of divine love. He would feel as though his very soul had expanded like the blossoming of a flower and by a flash, as it were, enveloped the whole universe, embracing all in a subtle halo of love and light. This experience granted him a bliss infinitely greater than he had in the previous state. Now it was that Ramdas began to cry out, 'Ram is all. It is He as everybody and everything!' This condition was for some months coming on and vanishing. When it wore away, he would instinctively go into solitude. When it was present, he freely mixed in the world, preaching the glory of divine love and bliss. With this externalised vision Ramdas' mission began. Its fullness and magnificence was revealed to him during his stay in the Kadri cave, and here the experience became more sustained and continuous. The vision of God shone in his eyes and he would see none but Him in all objects. Now wave after wave of joy arose in him. He realised that he had attained to a consciousness full of splendour, power and bliss."

In his accounts of his travels and dealings with devotees, humour was never far from Papa's lips. Always a keen sense of proportion levelled the absurd to the mundane and raised the mundane to the sublime.

Once Papa was rambling aimlessly through a bazaar, not begging, indeed indifferent to food, as he was on a water fast.

"Who is that man?" a passer-by enquired of a merchant, pointing at Papa. The merchant replied, tapping his temple, "He is a half-cracked".

Papa, overhearing the remark, went up to them to correct the merchant's words. "No, brother, not merely half-cracked. Why not say full-cracked, which is the truth?" So saying, Papa passed on his way.

Any doubt about Papa's sense of proportion is washed away completely by the "Boot-kick Puja" episode. Papa had been staying at Limbdi, where he was being sumptuously looked after and treated with the utmost respect. Every day more than a hundred people came for his darshan and satsang. Never attached to such externalities, as soon as Papa received the inner command of Ram to quit the place, he left. The tedious train-ride was broken at several places by a change in trains. One occurred at about ten at night.

Entering a third-class carriage, Papa found that it was very full, and everyone was lying down at full length on their bedding, leaving no room for any other passenger. Somehow, however, Papa found a perch at the feet of a particularly short passenger. At the next station, a number of new passengers poured into the carriage. These had to stand in the narrow passage between the seats, while not a single sleeping passenger made room for them. Papa felt that he should give up his seat for one of them and so quietly slipped down to the floor and stayed there. His former perch was, of course, immediately taken.

At the next station, a fresh set of passengers came in. The rush was now so great that they began tramping through the passage with their heavy boots, searching for some available place to sit. Papa, crouching on the floor like a rabbit, received their kicks with no small delight. He rolled himself down and twisted his body into a figure 8 in order to take up the least amount of room. Station after station new passengers came in. They crowded the passage to well-nigh suffocation point. Some of the sleeping passengers were even forced to sit up. So Papa was treated with boot-kicks from all four sides. Seated passengers had to knock against him when changing the position of their legs. The ones standing in the passage added their share whenever they were shoved. Papa's only covering was a single cloth from head to foot. He looked not unlike a cloth bag on the floor. Reflecting upon the situation, Papa said to himself:

"Ramdas, only a few hours ago you were receiving puja (worship) at the houses of several devotees with flower garlands, sandal paste and arati (waving of lights). That was one kind of puja. Now here you are, immediately afterwards, getting another kind, with boot-kicks! Where is the difference? Is there any less Ram in the one than in the other?"

And so Papa went on chuckling to himself throughout the rest of the journey.

He travelled all over India many times during the next few years and finally settled down in a small ashram built by one of his devotees at Kasaragod, Kerala. It was here that Mother Krishnabai had his darshan and decided to dedicate her life to his service. Mother Krishnabai tells of her own life and realisation in her autobiography, Guru's Grace. By God's will, circumstances caused them to leave Kasaragod and settle down in Kanhangad, where the present Anandashram was founded in the year 1931. This Ashram became a field for them to put into practice the universal love they had gained as a result of their universal vision. Although Papa attained mahasamadhi in 1963 and Mataji Krishnabai in 1989, the motto of the Ashram continues to be Universal Love and Service.

About man's relationship with God, Papa says, "Man is God playing the fool," meaning that man is essentially divine, but that Divine has put a mask of ignorance on Himself and pretends individuality. When He is ready to tear off the mask, the individual gets tired of worldly life and seeks peace and everlasting happiness. He then goes to a wise man, accepts him as his Guru, does sadhana as prescribed by him, and by virtue of sadhana and the Guru's grace, all the vasanas accumulated over lifetimes are washed away and the mind is made pure. Thereupon the mask is torn off and the individual realises "I AM BRAHMAN". When and in whom He chooses to reveal Himself is a mystery. Papa emphasised the need of absolute surrender to the Divine Will. He would say, "His will is supreme. If we are conscious of this always, there is no struggle in life at all. When we surrender to God's will, we put all our burdens on Him. He is only too willing to carry everything. Surrender means strength, peace, bliss and wisdom. But when the ego raises its head, all these disappear and man becomes a puny, care-worn creature. God has made man a blissful being."

"What is meant by surrender? Surrender means to know and feel that all our actions are God's actions; all our movements are His movements. If we live our life with this attitude, our ego-sense will gradually disappear. The whole universe is the play and form of God's sakti. When once we know that all are forms of the one Divine, all separateness will be lost in the great realisation."

Papa acknowledged himself as a visishtadvaitin:

Papa: Ramdas is not a pure advaitin. He believes in the co-existence of dvaita and advaita. The jivanmukta retains a higher subtle individuality; he moves about and acts in the world realising that he and God are one. Ramdas in this body is active in doing things. Whatever he may do, he is at the same time conscious that he is the eternal and all-pervading Reality. So, in that state there is separation and unity simultaneously.

S.: Is there no state when the jivanmukta can lose his individuality in the One and be free of birth?

Papa: That is possible. That is what the jnanis do. They do not believe in the existence of a higher individuality at all. As soon as the lower individuality is dissolved, they cease to exist as separate entities. There cannot be any rebirth for them. Adi Sankaracharya was one of that type.

Having realised his oneness with the Absolute, Papa maintained a subtle individuality to enjoy his relationship with the Divine as a child towards its mother or a servant towards its master. He had great reverence for all saints and sages. Whenever he referred to them, he would say that he was only a child of all saints. He had great respect and reverence for Bhagavan Sri Ramana. Of him he has said, "Sri Ramana Maharshi was in all respects a remarkable saint. After realising the Eternal, he lived in the Eternal. His advent was a veritable blessing on this earth. By his contact thousands were saved from the clutches of doubt and sorrow. He lived what he preached and preached what he lived. He exerted a wonderful influence and created in the hearts of ignorant men and women a consciousness of their inherent Divinity. He awakened the sleeping soul to the awareness of its immortal and all-blissful nature. By his very presence he rid the hearts of people of their base and unbridled passions. The faithful derived the greatest benefit by communion with him."

As Papa had attained realisation by taking to uninterrupted chanting of the divine name Ram, coupled with contemplation of the attributes of God, he always extolled the virtue of nama-japa in sadhana. Based upon his personal experience, Papa assured all seekers that nama-japa would lead them to the supreme heights of realisation of one's oneness with the Almighty. On the power of the Divine Name he has this to say: "The Divine Name is pregnant with a great power to transform the world. It can create light where there is darkness, love where there is hate, order where there is chaos, and happiness where there is misery. The Name can change the entire atmosphere of the world from one of bitterness, illwill and fear to that of mutual love, goodwill and trust. For the Name is God Himself. To bring nearer the day of human liberation from the sway of hatred and misery, the way is the recognition of the supremacy of God over all things and keeping the mind in tune with the Universal by the chanting of the Divine Name."

May Beloved Papa, who is everything and beyond everything, continue to bless and lead all to the supreme goal!

OM SRI RAM JAI RAM JAI JAI RAM

BELOVED PAPA AND SRI GURUDEV IN MY LIFE By Swami Chidananda

BELOVED PAPA AND SRI GURUDEV IN MY LIFE

By Swami Chidananda

      

Worshipful homage unto the Supreme Cosmic Spirit Divine. Reverential prostrations to the Guru who is representative on earth of the Supreme Being or God. Loving adorations to holy saints of Bharatvarsha, our spiritual motherland which has brought into being countless saints, sages, seers and Brahma-Jnanis of God-realization and such towering personalities like Maharshi Vyas, Vasishta, Yagnyavalkya and others of yore. These Great Ones, having attained the highest experience of the Absolute Transcendental Reality or the Eternal Truth, lived on to distribute the spiritual light of their Jnana and the indescribable Ananda of their God-experience through Bhakti to all their fellow-beings of their own contemporary times. May their blessings be upon all.

Meeting between two individuals in this world is always brought about by the Prarabdha Karma of both concerned. Having met once, the continuity of their relationship in the Vyavaharic world is also the resultant outcome of the Prarabdha Karma of both concerned. This has been clearly stated in the Sanatana Dharma or Vaidic Dharma, popularly referred to as Hinduism. Such a meeting between two Jivatmas born as human individuals in this world, comes about in various ways- sometimes in very peculiar and curious manner as well. I will relate here the way in which life brought me into contact with the exalted blissful personality whom the whole world knows as Papa Ramdas before ending my spiritual journey at the feet of Gurudev Sri Sivanandji Maharaj.

I was born in Mangalore which is a riverside town (today it is a big city) situated in the West Coastal region of South India. Mangalore is 69 kms from Anandashram in Kanhangad Railway station on the Mangalore-Madras route. I was born on 24th September 1916 in the house of my maternal grandfather, Sri Nellikai Venkat Rao and his Dharmapatni Smt Sundaramma. Both were pious and extremely generous hearted, especially to the poor and the needy. My mother's name was Smt Sarojini Devi. Grandparents simply adored her because she was the first child to survive in their family after grandmother had lost 11 male children, one after the other. Mother Sarojini Devi was born in 1900 and passed away when she was 25 years of age. She had five children. My elder sister Hemalata was 11 years of age and myself nine years when mother passed away.

Just as my mother was the first surviving child in the family, it so happened that I was the first male child in the family and hence I became the apple of the eye to grandmother. Grandmother and mother used to vie with each other in showering their love upon this being whom they named as Sridhar. Father's family lived in Madras. After my birth, I was expected to be brought home to my father's house. In my case, however, the maternal grandparents pleaded and prayed that being the first male child in the family, I may be allowed to remain with them in Mangalore and be brought up and educated there. Unexpectedly, almost miraculously, my father Sri Sreenivas Rao understood their heart's earnest longing and very generously granted their prayer. Thus it was that for the first 16 years of my life, I was brought up and given a good education in Mangalore town, in close proximity to Kasaragod and Kanhangad with which Ramdas' early life was closely connected. Later as a student, he (Papa Ramdas) shifted to Mangalore and did his High School at the Mission High School run by the German Basel Mission. Later, after taking a course in textile technology at Bombay and having served in a number of textile mills in different places, Papa Ramdas finally came back to Mangalore and set up a small textile business in the form of a handloom factory at Falnir, beyond Hampankatta. What happened to Vittal Rao (as Papa Ramdas was called in his younger days) during that period is too well-known a story for me to relate anything about it. It is rendered in great detail in Papa Ramdas' well known book In Quest of God. This book was a narration of his wandering all over India, steeped in the all-absorbing power of the divine Name. His wanderings covered the whole of the year 1923, he finally returned to Mangalore and secluded himself in some cave in the Kadri hills on the outskirts of the town, chanting Ram Nam all the time. There he was prompted to write down a brief account of his wanderings and he did so during 1924.

In Mangalore, there was a pious good gentleman called Bolar Vittal Rao (by chance, coinciding with Papa Ramdas' earlier name given to him by his parents). Bolar Vittal Rao owned a printing press called Saraswati Printing Press, located at one corner of the old police maidan behind St. Paul's Church. A member of Papa Ramdas' family gave the manuscript of In Quest of God to Bolar Vittal Rao, requesting him to print it in a paper back type book. He printed the book under the title In Quest of God and the price was half a rupee or eight annas. Bolar Vittal Rao and Nellikai Venkata Rao, my grandfather, were very good friends. Every day, after closing the press, in the evening, Bolar Vittal Rao used to drop in at "Manohar Vilas" and spend half an hour chatting with grandfather over a cup of excellent coffee. Over the years, Bolar Vittal Rao was in the practice of bringing along with him one copy of whatever matter was printed by him on that day at his printing press and give it to grandfather. In accordance with this habit, Bolar Vittal Rao brought along with him one copy of the very first 1924 edition of In Quest of God and gave it to grandfather. Though religious- minded, grandfather was not interested in saints and spiritual teachings. Thus, the very first copy of In Quest of God, which was given to him by his friend, was taken by grandfather inside the house and deposited on the top of a chest of drawers which contained numberless novels and other story books of grandmother who was a voracious reader of English fiction. I liked to read English novels of grandmother; On this occasion, as I felt with my hand on the top of the chest of drawers, my hand fell upon papa Ramdas' In Quest of God and I took it with me. Somehow, the photograph of Papa Ramdas taken in front of the Kadri caves (appearing as frontispiece in In Quest of God) fascinated me and drew my gaze like a magnet. The more I looked at it, the more I wanted to go on looking at it. I did not want to put the book down. Afternoon after afternoon, lying down on a sofa in the upstairs hall, within a week. I finished reading the book cover to cover.

At that time I was a youngster of nine years of age. I had just lost my mother and was studying in the 4th class in the primary school. Reading the book In Quest of God opened up before me a whole new vista of what India was as I had never before known or imagined. For the first time. I came to know of the various religious places Papa had visited in his wanderings. I heard the name 'Himalayas' and the sacred river 'Bhagirathi Ganga'. I came to know the name of Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa and also the Kali Temple of Bhavatarini at Dakshineshwar near Calcutta. The names 'Kedarnath' and  ‘Badrinath' became part of the thought forms of my mind where they had not existed before. The words 'Annakshetra’, 'Bhiksha'  'Ram Bhajan' etc became part of my vocabulary. The terms 'samadhi' and 'ecstasy' were first encountered in my life. My new vision revealed to me the way of life people were leading in India, unknown hitherto to my limited vision confined to home and school, and school and home. From the time I started reading the book In Quest of God, I was consumed with an overwhelming desire to meet Swami Ramdas face to face. When Sadhus came to the house to ask for alms, I used to run in and fetch the book and show them the picture of Swami Ramdas and eagerly ask them, "Have you seen this person?" One Sadhu who knew a little English said, "Yes, I have seen this person. He used to come to the Maidan sometimes. I have also seen him in Kadri cave. But, I do not know where he is now." I was greatly disappointed. Then, one day, a person told me: "Oh yes, this Swami is now settled down in a place called Kanhangad close to Kasaragod. His Ashram is a couple of miles from Kanhangad Railway station."

That is how at last I was able to locate where Papa Ramdas lived. I was overjoyed that it was very close to Mangalore and I decided to take my first chance to go to Kanhangad and have Darshan of Papa. It was 1932 and I was 16. Father demanded that both myself and my younger brother Raghavendra be shifted from Mangalore to Madras as, he said, if we continued further in Mangalore, we would gradually lose all touch with the paternal family at Madras. In Madras, as we did not know Tamil language, we were admitted into English medium teaching section and we took Sanskrit as our vernacular second language. This is how I had the good fortune of coming into contact with the wisdom of our own country and the wise sayings of our forefathers on Dharma, noble character, good conduct, righteousness and idealism in life etc through poetical compositions called Subhashita. At about this time, my elder sister Hemalata Bai who was given in marriage to a Sanskrit professor or lecturer in the famous Annamalai University near Chidambaram town, was in the family way and I was requested to accompany my sister to my grandparents' house in Mangalore for her first delivery as mother had passed away some years earlier. Some 3 or 4 months later, summons again came to me from my sister to take her and her first-born to Coimbatore where her in-Iaws lived and then onwards to Annamalainagar. Obediently, I had to travel again to Mangalore. I was happy to do so.

My heart was filled with a strange sensation, which I cannot describe when the Madras-Mangalore Mail passed Kanhangad Railway station. I was almost tempted to make a break of journey there. But the thought that some one or other was waiting with a vehicle at Mangalore Railway station obliged me to wistfully continue my journey. Reaching Mangalore, I had to wait till my sister was ready to depart with the child. At the last moment, after tickets were purchased and berths reserved, something unforeseen cropped up and we had to cancel the tickets, as my sister had to 'sit out' for her monthly period. When this happened, I suddenly realised that God had taken compassion upon me and given me a chance to make a trip to Kanhangad. Hurriedly, I packed a spare towel and pyjama in a handbag, told grandfather I would be away for a day, took some money from him and boarded some train at Mangalore station going south. It reached Kanhangad sometime mid-forenoon. I got down and enquired from some people the way to 'Anandashram of Swami Ramdas'. They pointed out the direction of the town and told me to enquire further. Thus, being guided by people from time to time, I proceeded further in the direction of Anandashram and soon stood at the gateway of Anandashram. There was a long inner driveway that seemed to lead straight to the Bhajan Hall.

When I arrived at the Bhajan Hall, it was midday, roundabout between 12 and 1 p.m. Swami Ramdas was having his midday meal, sitting in his chair with his back towards the entrance of the Bhajan Hall and facing towards the kitchen and dining hall- at the back of the Bhajan Hall. He was about three-fourths through with his meal. But, seeing my eagerness to see him, he made no formalities and they took me straight into his presence. At last my dream came true! My heart's longing was fulfilled. I was face to face with the writer of In Quest of God. Swami Ramdas was wreathed in smiles. His legs were stretched on a pillow kept on a suitable wooden stool, some distance in front of the chair. I knelt on the floor, and with his permission, took both his soft feet in my hands. Bowing low, I placed my head beneath his feet and gently pressed his feet on top of my head as though in benediction. Only, it was Ashirvad or blessing with his divine lotus feet instead of with his hand. Thus I experienced 'heaven upon earth' with this first Darshan of Papa in this wonderful centre of Ram Nam, Anandashram. It was an unforgettable experience. Even to this day, it is fresh in my memory. Afterwards, conversation took place between us. I asked him a number of my questions. Some of them he answered, others he countered by asking some questions himself. After some time he enquired whether I had taken my food. When he heard that I had come straight without taking anything, Swami Ramdas very kindly asked them to take me to the kitchen and serve me my meal. Looking back, I think it was Pujya Mataji Krishnabai who served me my meal that day. I remember how she was all kindness and loving concern lest due to my shyness, I may not eat sufficiently, being a newcomer on my first visit to the Ashram.

I ate and rested a while. They pressed me to stay for the night but I declined and told them that after Papa's rest, I would take leave from him and return to Mangalore the same evening. They took me to The Vision office and I purchased a new copy of In Quest of God. Then, taking leave of Swami Ramdas, I came back to Kanhangad Railway station and boarded a local train reaching Mangalore in the evening.

During those days ('30s), one well-known and popular publisher and Writer called M S Kamath used to publish a weekly newspaper called Sunday Times from Madras. It was very popular and liked by the public because of the variety of features it contained. There was always at least one page (sometimes two) exclusively set apart for religious subjects. One Sunday, I was pleasantly surprised to see Swami Ramdas' picture on the religious page and I was excited to read also an announcement that the Swamiji would be visiting Madras at the invitation of the Saraswat community of the city and give a few discourses while there. It gave the programme with the date and time of the meeting. One day it was a discourse at a well-known venue called Gokhale Hall in the evening. On another day, it was an informal and midday Satsang talk with Ram Bhajan and darshan as well as meals that followed. Before leaving, I enquired about details of how to reach the Gokhale Hall because our family lived far away from the busy part of the city, with our house located at the very outskirts of Madras just where the municipal corporation limits ended and District Board area commenced.

When I reached Gokhale Hall, I found it completely packed to capacity. I could not even enter the hall. Very many persons were standing at the back as all the seats had been filled. As it had taken some time for me to locate the hall, Papa Ramdas was already speaking when I reached there. My eyes beheld a strange sight. The usual formal seating arrangement on the dais with a table in front and a few chairs behind did not seem to have met with his approval and he had the chairs pushed back to the wall and the table moved forward until it was almost at the edge of the dais. He was seated on the table in his usual pose with legs folded, body absolutely straight and hands moving with appropriate gestures in keeping with what he was saying. He was speaking in Konkani. Words poured out of him in a ceaseless torrent. He was in an inspired mood. He was speaking about the glory of Ram Nam and the need to lead a disciplined life. The audience was listening spellbound, taking in everything he was saying, without missing a word. Before I left, I enquired from the organising persons where Papa was staying in Madras. I was told he was staying in the house of one Dr Gopal Katre in a well-known locality called Santhome which was at the southernmost end of the famous seaside Marina of Madras, where the clear open beach road ended and residential locality started.

The next day, eager to have darshan and Satsang with the holy saint, I went all the way from Chetpet to Mylapore where the bus terminated. Then I had to walk further Eastwards towards the seashore to reach Santhome. Santhome Road also was a long stretch of road parallel to the sea with a few residential buildings on either side. When I went past the Mylapore locality and came to Santhome Road, I asked a couple of persons where Dr Katre lived. They did not seem to be certain and gave me some vague reply. Actually, from the, spot where I questioned these persons, Dr Katre's house was merely within a furlong's distance to my left side. But, some how, due to unfamiliarity I turned right and started walking, stopping now and then to ask local persons where Dr Katre lived. I must have walked more than a mile in the hot sun. Then I halted and asked another person, who happened to be a devotee and perhaps a South Kanara man. He replied: "Oh, Dr Katre? You mean where the holy man Swami Ramdas is staying?" l said, "Yes," nodding my head vigorously. He told me that I had travelled in the opposite direction and was going farther and farther away with each step I took. He said I would have to go all the way back, even past the turning into Mylapore and would find a double-storeyed house standing in its own garden to the back of the road, to my right hand. Thanking him, I walked all the way back. It was hot and I was perspiring. It was now about mid-afternoon. At last, I located Dr Katre's house and went into the house and climbed upstairs. I was told that Swami Ramdas was about to leave for some engagement in the city, that I had better hurry up and take my chance of not missing him altogether.

I ran up the stairs and came to the second floor room. Sure enough, Swami Ramdas had put on his sandals and taking his walking stick in his hand, was coming towards the staircase to step down. Someone took me forward and told Swami Ramdas Maharaj: "This young man has come to see Your Holiness and get blessings." I immediately knelt down, touching his feet with my forehead. Swami Ramdas bent down, resting one hand on his walking stick and gave me a strong and hearty pat with the other on my back. He said: "Ramdas' blessings are there. Ramdas has to leave now. Take Ram Nam - remember God," and he went down to the waiting car. Such was my brief encounter and second darshan after my first darshan and meeting him at Anandashram.

Two years later, the world war extended across the Pacific to Japan. Japanese Air Force invaded Hawaii and bombed Pearl Harbour. On 6th of March, Japanese aircraft bombed Nagapatnam Harbour, a Japanese aircraft flew over Calcutta in an attempt to bomb it. However, the British RAF immediately took to the air, intercepted the Japanese aircraft and drove it away.

Now, the British authorities all along the East Coast began to feel insecure. Three very important streets along the Madras Harbour line, viz: the 1^st Line Beach Street, the 2nd Line Beach Street and Linghi Chetty Street, were evacuated by the British authorities. Obligatory darkness was imposed on all residences of Madras, not a single light should be visible in any house, not even a candle-light. People closed all their windows. After sunset, the city looked like a graveyard. Then, under the Governor's order, the Mayor announced to all the citizens that the authorities could not guarantee either the safety or the security of the citizens. They said all the citizens should go away, to wherever they had a place or relatives. They would provide special trains to evacuate the city.

I had then just completed 25 years in age. My elder cousin brothers, myself and some youngsters of our joint family supervised the shifting from Madras to Coimbatore where the family estate was situated. It was a nightmarish experience. To this day, I am not able to understand how we managed to accomplish this complex and complicated process of uprooting ourselves from a bungalow in Madras which was our home from childhood, to the big town of Coimbatore.

It was early March 1942. During the past ten years, from 1932 to 1942, since I left Mangalore and arrived in Madras, an inward transformation was slowly taking place within me. A veritable holy Sangam of three spiritual streams was created within my life. At Madras, I came into possession of the Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna some time in 1933 and the Life of Sri  Ramakrishna in 1936, his birth centenary year. Secondly, I read about Sri Ramana Maharshi in M S Kamath's Sunday Times in a special issue with the narration of the young Ramana’s renunciation at the age of 17 when he was a schoolboy. The article carried Sri Ramana Maharshi's picture also. This article evoked within me a state of renunciation and an idea of seeking Self-realization. Thirdly, I began to read Swami Sivananda's spiritual literature from Sri P K Vinayarangam's My Magazine of lndia and a book of Gurudev's quotations published by him. All these three saints hammered one single central line again and again into my mind viz:

Life is meant for God-realization. Goal of life is God- realization. If you die without attaining God-realization, your life is in vain. You have wasted away this precious, gift of human birth given to you by God.

Now, my heart was filled with an intense fire of Vairagya. The idea of renouncing the world and going away in seclusion somewhere in the Himalayas dominated my mind day and night. I was in a dilemma. Even though unmarried, and quite free from one point of view, I felt myself bound by ties of duties and responsibilities towards both the junior members of the family as well as my seniors whom I had to serve. Father's health was not in the best of condition, the forced departure from Madras had been something of a shock to his sensitive nature. My duty as the eldest son held on to me. On the other hand, the keen longing to renounce everything in the form of worldly ties pulled me powerfully. Sometimes I would suddenly wake up from sleep after midnight and find myself shaking with fear with the thought that I may never be able to take to the Nivritti Marga or the life of total renunciation. This all the more pressed upon me the urgency of taking necessary steps into the fire of dispassion, renunciation, penance and deep meditation.

Somehow 8 or 9 months passed this way at the now R S Puram residence. I began to feel powerfully that I should not delay any further. Something from within me urged that I must take this final step at an early date, without waiting any more. Slowly a plan began to take shape in my mind. I would start from home telling them that I wished to go to the holy Tirupati to have Lord Venkateswara's darshan and spend a few days there. I knew they would readily agree to this because we were all devotees of Tirupati Venkateswara and I had taken a vow to go to Tirumala, walking up all the seven hills from Tirupati town below. From Tirupati I wrote to them that I had made a similar vow to visit Shirdi Sai Baba's Samadhi sthan and having come to Tirupati, I might as well fulfill my second vow also.

While the reasons for visiting these two places were quite authentic and genuine, I had actually no intention of returning home at all. My step was the final renunciation. I had already written letters to five spiritual personalities, praying for their blessings for an "important step" I was about to take in my life. One letter was to Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi, one was to Swami Ramdas, one to Swami Rajeshwaranandaji (Guru of the famous philosopher Dr T M P Mahadevan) and one more was probably to revered Sri Malayala Swamiji of Vyasashram, near Yerpedu in Andhra Pradesh, ten miles from Tirupati. I was already in touch with Gurudev Swami Sivanandaji through correspondence.

Sri Ramana Maharshi's letter briefly informed me that my letter was placed before Bhagavan and herewith was Bhagavan's Prasad. A packet of Vibhuti and another of Kum Kum came with the brief reply. Swami Ramdas' reply was typical. Swamiji wrote: "Beloved Ram, you have not told Ramdas what step you are going to take. So, how can Ramdas bless you without knowing your step? However, all good undertakings have Ramdas' blessings." I was writing home from the places I was visiting, giving the family the impression that I would be returning home while, all the while, I had no intention of ever coming back. This 'deception' was with the intention of not giving them a rude shock that I had gone away forever and that they were never likely to see me ever again. Because, in those days, Himalayas was a far, far distant region of India. After a month's stay at Shirdi, I wrote to the family that I would visit Mathura and Brindavan. I spent 3 weeks in Brindavan in Sri Rama Krishna Seva Ashram there. I visited Mathura also. From there I took a train to Delhi and got a connection to Haridwar. While I was in Brindavan, I had written to Gurudev Sri Swami Sivananda Maharaj that I was coming to his Ashram "to surrender myself at your feet and to serve you." The reply was: "Your letter. Oh, yes, you may come. Regards, Prem and Om."

After leaving Delhi and arriving at Haridwar, I stayed for ten days in Sri Rama Krishna Seva Ashram at Kankhal, Haridwar. They were very kind to me due to the letter of Swami Asheshanandji Maharaj that I carried from Madras math. At Kankhal, revered Swami Ajoyananda was the head of the Ashram. He knew Gurudev very well. I took his leave and left for Rishikesh on 19th May 1943, which was the sacred day of Buddha Purnima or Buddha Jayanti. I reached Sivananda Ashram, which was one-and-half miles beyond Rishikesh town, mid-afternoon and someone there gave me a little corner in the hall of a Dharmashala which was close to the Sivananda Ashram premises.

Some time after sunset, in the twilight, Gurudev Sri Swami Sivananda followed by a Brahmachari carrying a hurricane lantern, came down from the upper part of the Ashram with a big long staff in his hand. As he came near, l fell flat upon the ground in dandawat namaskar, He enquired from someone nearby 'Who is this person?' They told him I was Sridhar Rao of Madras who had been corresponding with Gurudev. He kindly asked me to get up. I did so and felt that I had reached my destination. I felt blessed by God. This is how my entire life was offered at the feet of Gurudev Sri Swami Sivananda Maharaj. It was the culmination of my physical journey upon the outer plane of this world. My spiritual journey now commenced.

(EPILOGUE: In 1944 or 1945, Sri Kashiram Gupta, a Marwadi devotee of Swami Sivananda and father of Sri Ram Niwas Gupta, who was very close to Sri Gurudev, came to the Ashram on a visit. Swami Sivananda called him to his Ganga bank Kutir. When Sri Kashiram Gupta entered the Kutir, Gurudev told him to be seated and enquired whether he was well-accommodated and comfortable. After Sri Kashiramji, an elderly person, assured him that he was perfectly at home, Gurudev suddenly looked at him and told him: "O jee! My successor has already come!" Sri Guptaji was somewhat surprised and asked Swami Sivanandji who that successor was. At that time Sri Sridhar Rao (later Swami Chidananda) had gone to the riverbank and taken his dip and was drying himself, with a towel around his waist. Swami Sivananda pointed a finger in the direction of Sridhar Rao and told Sri Gupta: "Look there! See that young man on the riverbank? That is my successor." So, it seemed that already Swami Sivananda had made up his mind about his successor. It was indeed Pujya Swamiji's sankalpa which inspired student Sridhar Rao on the spiritual path and later drew him irresistibly to Rishikesh, to the feet of the Master. Sridhar Rao was conferred Sannyas by Gurudev six years after he arrived in Sivananda Ashram, in 1948, on Guru Purnima day, and thus was born Swami Chidananda Maharaj).

HARI OM TAT SAT